Piece of Shit Car

It has "climate control." I have no clue what 17 degrees Celsius feels like inside a car. I only know what temperature I want based on the sliding scale of either red or blue. If its cold, full red. If its hot, full blue. A spring afternoon when its too cold to have the windows down, 1/4 red. It really couldn't be simpler. 

Sun visors used to be an understandable technology. They folded directly down to block direct sun coming in from the windshield. Now my visor is a multifaceted marvel of engineering. The main visor folds down and over to the side window and ANOTHER visor comes down to fulfill the original purpose. But all is not lost in the shuffle of progress. There is still the mirror located on the flip side of the visor. Except it has turned into a vanity mirror complete with 5000 watt lights on both sides of the mirror. Its practical for when I'm putting on lipstick in the dark and also want to blind the driver 10 car lengths behind me.

One thing that really pisses me off is that there are no more cigarette lighters anymore. Now I have no disciplinary tools on long car rides when my child starts complaining about "having to go to the bathroom" or "not having eaten in 18 hours." I have more radio presets than there are stations. One good thing is that I do have a tape player. Now I am to young to have ever been able to buy popular music on cassette, but I love this feature. It allows me to use a tape adapter with my iPod so I don't need one of those bullshit FM transmitters. AM/FM, AM/PM, ADHD. 

I really love these comatose drivers on the road. I'm all for doing up a shit load of heroin, but not behind the wheel. If you are going to drive, wake the fuck up. We are going to be doomed if it ever gets to the point where the Jetsons Theory is realized. Flying cars operating in 3 dimensions by people with 1 dimensional minds.  

On a side note, in high school in the cafetorium a group of us school children were discussing Neo-Darwinism. One of the lads was unfamiliar with the theory and inquired about its tenets.  The conversation was as follows: