Ocarina of Time

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Abridged) 

Sometimes I have dreams about castle draw bridges and mysterious men on horses. And then I get woken up by a fairy (no homo). I found a sword that I can borrow. It's our towns only piece of military equipment and defense. It is kept in a box hidden at the end of a maze. Since I borrowed the sword, the town (village) of children (people) and their fairy partners (lol), are now vulnerable to attack. I still require a shield made of bark if I am to 'embark' on any sort of fantastical journey. There is no industry in this town, so I must rely on found objects to use as currency. Luckily, precious gems lay hidden in tall grass and encased in decorative rocks. My foraging has provided me with enough funds to purchase a shield. A giant tree with a mustache made me take an adventure inside his mouth. He had been waiting for me since I was a child. I am told to vanquish the evil inside. "Twenty-three is number one." That's all I really got out of the experience, oh and a slingshot. Apparently an Evil Man from the desert put a curse on the giant tree and it died. Wait a minute. Evil man from the desert? Giant tree dying? September 11th?!?! The predictions of this 1998 oracle are alarming. What other prophecies might come true? Hmm, Link was sealed inside the Temple of Time for 7 years and in that time the world was pretty much destroyed. 1998 + 7 = 2005... Hurricane motherfucking Katrina. But wait there's more! 2005 + 7 = 2012!!! Oh my fucking god.